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Sunday, October 09, 2022

The Paramedic

The paramedic arrived at the house to find it in darkness. He had responded to the emergency call on his own as there was a power cut in the area and it was a busy night for the emergency services.

The house was very dark inside due to the power cut, so the paramedic asked Jenny, who was only three, to hold a flashlight over her pregnant Mother so he could see what he was doing while he helped to deliver the baby.

Very carefully, young Jenny did as she was asked and held the flashlight so the paramedic could see what he was doing, while her Mother pushed and pushed.

After a lot of pushing and panting, the baby was delivered successfully.

The paramedic told Jenny that she had a new little brother.

He lifted the baby by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom, making the baby cry.

The paramedic then thanked Jenny for her help and asked the three-year-old what she thought about what she had just seen.

Jenny quickly replied, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Give his bottom another smack so he doesn’t do it again!”

Originally published as The Paramedic on The Laughline

Posted on 10/09/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, October 02, 2022

The Muddy Hole

Jerry was really frustrated, having got his car stuck in a muddy hole while driving down a country lane.

Luckily for him, a farmer was passing in his tractor and for $25 he towed Jerry’s car out of the mud so he could continue on his journey.

Afterward, Jerry said to the farmer, “At those prices, you could make a good living pulling people out of that muddy hole day and night”.

“I wish I could”, the farmer replied. “but at night I have to haul water to fill the hole”.

Now that’s what I call an entrepreneur.

Originally published as The Muddy Hole on The Laughline

Posted on 10/02/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 25, 2022

Being Taught The Bible By Her Grandmother

A nine-year-old girl was being taught the Bible by her grandmother and after a while, she was becoming quite knowledgeable about what she had learned.

Her grandmother was really pleased with her granddaughter’s progress, until one day when she asked her this question:

“Which virgin was the mother of Jesus?”

Her grandmother wasn’t really sure how to answer this strange question and was thinking about how to answer when the little girl continued…

“Was it the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

Originally published as Being Taught The Bible By Her Grandmother on The Laughline

Posted on 09/25/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 18, 2022

Bottles Of Guinness

Murphy and Paddy were driving south from Dublin to Cork and they were both laughing and telling jokes as they were driving and were also drinking bottles of Guinness Stout.

All of a sudden, Paddy saw lights flashing in his rearview mirror, it was the Garda, the Irish police signaling them to stop the car and pull over to the side of the road.

Murphy said, “Paddy, what are we going to do?”

Paddy replied, “Don’t worry Murphy me old mate. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly”.

Murphy agreed, so Paddy said, “First, we are going to peel the labels off our bottles of Guinness and we are going to stick one on each of our foreheads. Then just shove the bottles underneath your seat and let me do the talking”.

So Murphy and Paddy both quickly peeled the labels off their bottles of Guinness and then shoved the bottles under their seats.

Paddy slowed down and pulled the car over to the side of the road and stopped.

The police car pulled over behind then and stopped and the police officer got out and walked up to their car.

He looked at them kind of funny and asked to see Paddy’s driver’s license.

Then he asks Paddy, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Oh, no, sir”, Paddy replied.

“Well”, the police officer said, “I noticed you were weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?”

“Oh, no, sir”, Paddy said. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight at all sir”.

“Well, I do have to ask you”, the police officer said, “What on earth are those things on your forehead?”

“Oh that’s easy, officer”, Paddy replied. “You see, both Murphy here and me are alcoholics and we’re on the patch”.

Originally published as Bottles Of Guinness on The Laughline

Posted on 09/18/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 11, 2022

Two Dwarves

Two dwarves were on vacation in Las Vegas and not having had much success in the casino, given the fact that they were short and the slot machines and poker tables were so high, they decided to go to a bar and have a few drinks.

At the bar, they met these two women and chatted them up over a few drinks, then to their delight the two women agreed to go back to their hotel with them.

The two dwarves went with the women to their separate hotel rooms, convinced that their luck had changed for the better.

The first dwarf, however, was really frustrated as he was unable to get an erection.

His frustration was only made worse by the fact that all night long, all he could hear coming from the next room, was his little friend shouting out cries of, “Here I come again! One, two, three, uh”.

This just seemed to go on all night long, so frustrating.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first how his night went.

The first dwarf muttered about how embarrassing it was and that he couldn’t get an erection, no matter how hard he tried.

He said to the second dwarf, “It sounded like you were having a good time though?”

The second dwarf shook his head and replied, “I don’t know why you should think that. You think you were embarrassed! I couldn’t even get up on the bed!”

Now I’m sure there must be another side to this story. Have you wondered what the two women were doing all night long? Were they just drunk and sleeping? How come they didn’t help the dwarves to get onto the bed or to perform? Or maybe they were just content with a free room for the night.

Originally published as Two Dwarves on The Laughline

Posted on 09/11/22 at 03:26 PM Joke of the Week

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