Sunday, August 07, 2011
There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and
there was a young bloke standing there who said:
“I’m a Jehovah’s Witness”.
I said “Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about”?
He said, ” F****d if I know. I’ve never got this far before”
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 10, 20, 30 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”
“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”
“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the U.S. Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?”
“They said,
“Good morning, Admiral, can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?”
Sunday, July 24, 2011
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.”
“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an Ax and two 38’s!”
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said…...,
(you are going to love this..)
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”