Sunday, July 20, 2014

Wine before bed

Treat yourself to a healthy imported wine

A GLASS OF WINE BEFORE TURNING IN 

A single glass  at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night's  sleep. 

NEW  Wine for Seniors ,    I kid you not.....



Clare Valley  vintners in  South Australia,
Which primarily produce 
Pinot  Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines, 
Have  developed a new hybrid grape 
That  acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number  of trips 
Older  people have to make to the
Bathroom during the night.

The new  wine will be
Marketed as

     

PINO  MORE

I  HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!! 
I  just could not help it! 
 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

NORWEGIAN VIRGIN

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in Northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow... Right in his crotch.

Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance Lena, is still a virgin - in every vay.”

The doctor told him, “Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can.”

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth ....

That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. 

She said: “Olof.. You're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.” 

Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: “Look at dis Lena .....still in DA CRATE!”

Sunday, July 06, 2014

Sister Barbara

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.

Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.

Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. 

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.


"What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied.

"Don't Despair" paid 80-to-1."