Sunday, December 31, 2023

Pain Relief

Every time I get a headache I take 2 Ibuprofen and keep away from my children...
Just like the bottle says.

Pain Relief
#joke #short

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Posted on 12/31/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, December 24, 2023

37 Christmas jokes

Why is the Grinch such a good gardener?
He has a green thumb.

What type of key do you need to put on a Nativity play?
A don-key.

Who is the only one to not eat at Christmas dinner?
The turkey, it’s always stuffed!

Why was the advent calendar afraid?
Its days were numbered!

What’s the best present to receive?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.

What’s a dog’s favorite Christmas song?
Bark, the Herald Angels Sing.

What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful.

How can you tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents.

What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nick-less.

Who is Santa’s favorite singer?

What does Santa clean his sleigh with?

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson.

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house.

Why did Santa’s helper start going to therapy?
He had low “elf” esteem.

What do Santa’s helpers learn in school?
The elf-abet.

What would you find on an elf’s Instagram account?
Lots of elf-ies.

Who is the best singer in the North Pole?
Elf-is Presley.

What did the elf on the shelf dress up as for Halloween?

Why didn’t Rudolph make honor roll in school this term?
Because he went down in history.

Which reindeer does Santa always have to discipline?

What do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
This one will sleigh you!

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?

How did the snowman get to work?
By icicle!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.

What do snowmen call their offspring?

What do grapes sing at Christmas?
‘Tis the season to be jelly.

Why shouldn’t you prank the eggnog?
It can’t take a yolk.

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet.

Why don’t penguins fly?
They’re not tall enough to be pilots!

What do you call an art museum made out of ice?
The Ig-Louvre.

What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather?
Its shadow.

37 Christmas jokes
#joke #halloween #christmas #prank

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Posted on 12/24/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, December 17, 2023

No seat on train

A tired u.s. army veteran is looking for a seat on a busy British train.
He can’t find a seat so he walks up to a British lady and asked “ma’am may I use your seat?”.
The British lady responded with “can’t you see my puppy is sitting here? How rude are you Americans are.” .
The army and walks off and tries to find another seat after a couple minutes of searching he walks back up to the lady and says “please, ma’am, may I have your seat. I am very tired.” .
The woman says “how inconsiderate of you to ask me again” the man then calmly walks up and throws the dog out of the train window and sits dow. The woman starts screaming and demanding that the man be punished
, her husband walks up and says “you Americans are doing everything wrong
you drive on the wrong side of the road
you use the wrong utensils to eat,
and now
you’ve thrown the wrong bit** out of the window.”
No seat on train

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Posted on 12/17/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, December 10, 2023

Hiring a new assistant

A business was hiring a new assistant. They put out ads everywhere. A couple of days later, a surprise visitor appeared at their office: a dog, holding a newspaper. The dog pointed to the hiring ad with his paw. The manager, though intrigued, was skeptical and decided to challenge the dog:
" I need a someone who can use a computer."
Without hesitation, the dog hopped onto a desk, powered up the computer, and even printed a document.
Impressed, the manager continued, "Okay, but can you work with spreadsheets?"
The dog promptly opened up Excel, swiftly inputting data and generating graphs.
Nearly speechless, the manager had one last test: "All that's impressive, but can you speak another language?"
The dog replied:"Meow"

Hiring a new assistant

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Posted on 12/10/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, December 03, 2023

Bedbugs In Love

Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.

Bedbugs In Love
#joke #short

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Posted on 12/03/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week