Sunday, April 26, 2015

Thinking about you

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?" I asked. Talking about my  "doing-something-useful"  seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She was "only thinking of me", she said, and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a "Parachute Club".

She replied,  "Are you nuts?  You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?!  This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, I'm in trouble again, I said, I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"   The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Beer & Colonoscopy

It was my first time visiting Dr. Putz for a colonoscopy.  I went into his office for my first rectal exam.

His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room.  She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me.  She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting, I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:

·        A Tube of K-Y jelly,

·        A rubber glove, and

·        A beer

When Dr. Putz, finally, came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam.  I know what the K-Y is for.  And, I know what the glove is for.  But can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that, Doctor Putz became, noticeably, outraged and stormed over to the door.

He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse,

"Damn it, Evelyn!!!  I said...a BUTT LIGHT!"