Sunday, December 11, 2022
Horrific Car Accident
An elderly couple who had been married for more than sixty years died from a horrific car crash.
Their passing was really tragic, since despite their advanced years, they were both still on good health, thanks to spending the last ten years eating only healthy food and having plenty of exercise.
But fate being what it is, no matter what your intentions or how well you plan your life, it often intervenes, and as with this elderly couple, their lives were cut short.
Being good people, naturally, they made their way up to Heaven, where they were met by St. Peter, who welcomed them in and personally directed them to the mansion which was to become their home for eternity.
Compared to the meager retirement apartment they had been living in for the last ten years, the mansion was like a palace. It had an amazing kitchen and the most comfortable living room you can imagine, with twin recliners, a well-stocked bar, and more. The bedroom had a full king-sized bed and an en-suite bathroom, and on the deck outside was a wonderful hot tub.
As they gasped with surprise at their good fortune, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost them.
“It’s all free,” St. Peter told them. “You are in Heaven now.”
St. Peter then led them out the back of the mansion to show them the championship golf course that the home backed onto. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one, representing the greatest golf courses back on earth.
The old man asked St. Peter, “What are the green fees?”
St. Peter replied, “This is Heaven, you can play golf any time you want for free.”
Next, they went to the clubhouse, and the old man’s jaw dropped when he saw the lavish buffet lunch, which had all the cuisines of the world laid out ready to eat.
“How much does it cost to eat here?” he asked St. Peter.
“Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven. It’s free! Everything is free!” St. Peter replied, exasperated at having to keep telling them.
“Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.
St. Peter replied with a laugh, “That’s the best part… you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat and you will never get sick. This is Heaven”.
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger. He threw down his hat and began stomping on it and screaming at the top of his voice. He was furious.
St. Peter and his wife tried to calm the old man down, asking him what the problem was.
The old man looked at his wife and said, “Don’t you get it, you stupid old woman? This is all your fault. If it weren’t for you and your damned awful bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”
Originally published as Horrific Car Accident on The Laughline
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