Sunday, January 29, 2023

The Mouse And The Giraffe

This mouse was sitting in a bar having a beer when a beautiful young giraffe walked in and sat down at the end of the bar.

The mouse looked over at her with lust in his eyes, then called the bartender over and ordered her a drink.

It didn’t take long until the mouse had moved over and sat down beside the giraffe and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up to see the pair of them leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse returned, limped into the bar, barely crawled up onto the barstool, and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, his tail was crooked and patches of his hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look at the mouse and said, “Man you look rough. How did it go with that giraffe last night?”

The mouse said to the bartender, “Oh man, last night was the best sex I ever had!”

The bartender looked at the mouse again and just had to ask, “If the sex with that giraffe was so good, how come you look so bad?”

The mouse replied, “Well, between all the kissing and the screwing, I must have run ten miles!”

Originally published as The Mouse And The Giraffe on The Laughline

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Sunday, January 22, 2023

A Cowboy From Wyoming

A cowboy from Wyoming walked into a bar and sat himself down on a bar stool next to this gorgeous woman who was sitting on a stool at the bar, all by herself.

He casually looked her over, then looked at his watch for a moment.

The woman noticed him looking at his watch and asked him, “Are you waiting for someone, is your date running late?”

The Wyoming cowboy smiled at her and replied, “Oh no, ma’am, I just bought myself this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it out”.

The woman was curious and asked, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

“Well”, the cowboy said, “it uses something called alpha waves to talk to me telepathically, it’s really hi-tech”.

“Really?” the woman replied, crossing her legs the other way. “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well”, the cowboy said, “it’s telling me you aren’t wearing any underwear”.

The woman laughed and replied, “Well, your watch can’t be working then, because I am wearing underwear!”

The cowboy tapped his watch, smiled, and said, “Well, what do you know, the darned thing’s an hour fast”.

Originally published as A Cowboy From Wyoming on The Laughline

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Sunday, January 15, 2023

Missing Toe

Have you heard about the blonde woman who dumped her boyfriend because he had a missing toe?

It’s true! Would I lie to you? Well, maybe, but read on anyway…

Yes, it’s true; this blonde woman dumped her boyfriend because he had a missing toe.

She discovered she was lactose intolerant!

Ok, you can groan now! 

Sunday, January 08, 2023

Santa’s Calf Skin Jacket

Have you heard about the time Santa Claus had his new calfskin jacket stolen?

I’m going to tell you in advance that this is a really terrible joke, a real groaner, but you are going to want to read it anyway aren’t you? Hopefully it’s so bad you will get a laugh out of it and feel the need to share this page with your friends as well.

Ok, so one night this guy broke into Santa’s home at the North Pole, went into Santa’s bedroom, and started to rummage through his wardrobe while Santa lay there in bed fast asleep.

He saw this cool-looking calfskin jacket hanging there and took it out of the wardrobe, and as he did so, Santa Claus, hearing the rattling of coat hangers, started to wake up.

Santa saw the man in his room and shouted out, upon which the robber grabbed the jacket and ran off with it, going straight out of the bedroom and into the corridor leading to the toy workshop, where he bumped into one of Santa’s helpers, knocking him flying.

The man continued to run along the corridor and then stumbled through one of the emergency exits and out into the snow where he kept on running.

Santa’s helper, realizing what had happened and knowing that this was his most precious jacket, picked himself up off the floor and started chasing after the robber as fast as he could run.

I guess you could say he ran like Elf for leather…

A terrible joke, isn’t it? But it’s a Laughline original.

Originally published as Santa’s Calf Skin Jacket on The Laughline

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Sunday, January 01, 2023

Johnny Passed His Driving Test

Johnny passed his driving test and just got his driver’s license.

The family decided that it would be a great idea if Johnny took them all for a ride in the family car, so they all went out and watched as Johnny climbed into the driver’s seat with a huge grin on his face.

His father, meanwhile, opened a rear door and climbed in to sit behind Johnny, while his Mother climbed in beside him and his younger sister climbed into the back.

Johnny turned around and said to his father, “I guess you are sitting in the back to get a change of scenery after those months of teaching me how to drive?”

“Not exactly,” his father replied. “I’m just going to sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me ever since you were a baby”.

Now that’s what I call payback, nice one Dad!

Originally published as Johnny Passed His Driving Test on The Laughline

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