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Sunday, September 25, 2022

Being Taught The Bible By Her Grandmother

A nine-year-old girl was being taught the Bible by her grandmother and after a while, she was becoming quite knowledgeable about what she had learned.

Her grandmother was really pleased with her granddaughter’s progress, until one day when she asked her this question:

“Which virgin was the mother of Jesus?”

Her grandmother wasn’t really sure how to answer this strange question and was thinking about how to answer when the little girl continued…

“Was it the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

Originally published as Being Taught The Bible By Her Grandmother on The Laughline

Posted on 09/25/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 18, 2022

Bottles Of Guinness

Murphy and Paddy were driving south from Dublin to Cork and they were both laughing and telling jokes as they were driving and were also drinking bottles of Guinness Stout.

All of a sudden, Paddy saw lights flashing in his rearview mirror, it was the Garda, the Irish police signaling them to stop the car and pull over to the side of the road.

Murphy said, “Paddy, what are we going to do?”

Paddy replied, “Don’t worry Murphy me old mate. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly”.

Murphy agreed, so Paddy said, “First, we are going to peel the labels off our bottles of Guinness and we are going to stick one on each of our foreheads. Then just shove the bottles underneath your seat and let me do the talking”.

So Murphy and Paddy both quickly peeled the labels off their bottles of Guinness and then shoved the bottles under their seats.

Paddy slowed down and pulled the car over to the side of the road and stopped.

The police car pulled over behind then and stopped and the police officer got out and walked up to their car.

He looked at them kind of funny and asked to see Paddy’s driver’s license.

Then he asks Paddy, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Oh, no, sir”, Paddy replied.

“Well”, the police officer said, “I noticed you were weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?”

“Oh, no, sir”, Paddy said. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight at all sir”.

“Well, I do have to ask you”, the police officer said, “What on earth are those things on your forehead?”

“Oh that’s easy, officer”, Paddy replied. “You see, both Murphy here and me are alcoholics and we’re on the patch”.

Originally published as Bottles Of Guinness on The Laughline

Posted on 09/18/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 11, 2022

Two Dwarves

Two dwarves were on vacation in Las Vegas and not having had much success in the casino, given the fact that they were short and the slot machines and poker tables were so high, they decided to go to a bar and have a few drinks.

At the bar, they met these two women and chatted them up over a few drinks, then to their delight the two women agreed to go back to their hotel with them.

The two dwarves went with the women to their separate hotel rooms, convinced that their luck had changed for the better.

The first dwarf, however, was really frustrated as he was unable to get an erection.

His frustration was only made worse by the fact that all night long, all he could hear coming from the next room, was his little friend shouting out cries of, “Here I come again! One, two, three, uh”.

This just seemed to go on all night long, so frustrating.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first how his night went.

The first dwarf muttered about how embarrassing it was and that he couldn’t get an erection, no matter how hard he tried.

He said to the second dwarf, “It sounded like you were having a good time though?”

The second dwarf shook his head and replied, “I don’t know why you should think that. You think you were embarrassed! I couldn’t even get up on the bed!”

Now I’m sure there must be another side to this story. Have you wondered what the two women were doing all night long? Were they just drunk and sleeping? How come they didn’t help the dwarves to get onto the bed or to perform? Or maybe they were just content with a free room for the night.

Originally published as Two Dwarves on The Laughline

Posted on 09/11/22 at 03:26 PM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 04, 2022

An Older Jewish Gentleman And A Younger Jewish Lady

An older Jewish gentleman and a younger Jewish lady fell very much in love and got married.

However, there was a problem in their relationship, since no matter what the husband did in the bedroom, his younger wife never managed to have an orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to have sexual pleasure, the couple decided to ask the Rabbi to see if he could give them any advice.

The Rabbi listened intently as they told him their story. Then he stroked his beard and offered the husband the following suggestion to help resolve their problem:

“I recommend that you hire a fit young man”, the Rabbi said. “Then while the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife to fantasize and should bring on an orgasm for her”.

So, the couple went home and followed the rabbi’s advice.

They hired a handsome young man and that night they went into the bedroom and he waved a towel over the couple as they made love.

But sadly it didn’t help and the wife still remained unsatisfied.

Frustrated, they went back to see the Rabbi.

“Okay”, the Rabbi said, listening to their sad story and thinking of a way that would help to solve their problem.

“Let’s try this reversed”, the Rabbi said. “Have the young man make love to your wife while you wave the towel over them”.

So, once again, the couple went home and followed the advice of the Rabbi.

The young man got into bed with the Jewish man’s wife while her husband stood over them and waved the towel.

The young man set to work with great enthusiasm, touching and kissing the wife all over and it wasn’t long before she started moaning and moving up and down on the bed, matching the movements of the handsome young man.

She soon had an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm and collapsed on the bed, exhausted but finally satisfied.

Her husband smiled, looked at the young man, and said to him triumphantly, “You see that young man, now that’s the way to wave a towel!”

Originally published as An Older Jewish Gentleman And A Younger Jewish Lady on The Laughline

Posted on 09/04/22 at 03:24 PM Joke of the Week