Sunday, July 31, 2011

WAL-MART SENIOR GREETER

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 10, 20,  30 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy,  clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly”  policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes,  I know boss, and I am working on it.”
“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.  It’s odd though your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the U.S.  Navy.  What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said,

“Good morning, Admiral, can I get you a cup of coffee,  sir?”

Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck..

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full..

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water..

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.’

The old woman smiled, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?’
‘That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.’

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Today Versus Yesterday

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. 
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” 
“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an Ax and two 38’s!”

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Black Braw

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.  One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra,  stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams.  I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long. 

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes.  When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings,  stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said…...,

(you are going to love this..)

“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”