Sunday, November 21, 2010
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point.
The last question was: “Where do most women have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer is: Africa
I’ve been asked to find another place to worship.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Truths For Mature Adults
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call
15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay
16. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger
18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever
21. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important
Ladies…..Quit Laughing.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through he came across a young bull elephant with his leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments..
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same elephant..