Sunday, July 10, 2011

What Starts with F and ends with K

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’

Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’

Harry: ‘9.’

Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’

Harry: ‘36.’

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd gradershould know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘I think Harry can goto the 3rd grade.’

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, ‘Let me ask him some questions.’

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’

Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps in to?’

Harry: ‘Pants.’

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?’

Harry: ‘Coconut.’

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?’

The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?’

Harry: ‘Shake hands.’

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?’

Harry: ‘Firetruck’

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, ‘Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Read before you Speak

Jake Blumberg had been an observant Jew and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their rabbi, Rabbi Geller, to be with them. As the rabbi stood next to the bed, Jake’s condition appeared to deteriorate rapidly and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The rabbi lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Jake used his last bit of energy to write a message. The rabbi did his best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing his eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Jake died.
He said, “You know, Jake handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it yet, but knowing Jake, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all. ” He opened the note, and read, “Hey, you’re standing on my oxygen tube!”

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Five Lessons

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
And had breezed through the questions until I read

The last one:
“What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
Cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
Dark-haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name?
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
Blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
The last question would count toward our quiz grade.
“Absolutely, ” said the professor.. “In your careers,
You will meet many people.  All are significant.. They
Deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
Is smile and say “hello..”
I’ve never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her
Name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
Trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
Broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
Unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960’s. The man
Took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
Put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
Address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
Knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a
Giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
Special note was attached.
It read:
“Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
The other night. The rain drenched not only my
Clothes, but also my spirits.  Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
Husband’s’ bedside just before he passed away… God
Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
Others.”

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
Front of him.
“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.
“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and
Studied the coins in it.
“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the
Waitress was growing impatient..
“Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
“I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
The table and walked away The boy finished the ice
Cream, paid the cashier and left..  When the waitress
Came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
able.  There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
Were two nickels and five pennies..
You see,  he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had
To have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
Roadway.  Then he hid himself and watched to see if
Anyone would remove the huge rock.  Some of the
King’s’ wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
And simply walked around it..  Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
Anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
Vegetables.  Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road.  After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway.  The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts…

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare & serious disease.  Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness.  The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save
her.”  As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed
next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing
the color returning to her cheek. Then his face
grew pale and his smile faded.
He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away”..
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Gear down?

This can be described as one of those ’Moments’ …     

Landing on runway 31 at Diego Garcia, skidding 7,500 feet down the runway.

The aircraft was landing at the end of an 11 hour ferry mission that started at
Andersen AFB , Guam . During the landing, the B-1B caught fire and emergency
Crews extinguished the flames. The four-person aircrew escaped from the plane
Through the overhead escape hatch. The aircraft was finally removed from the
Runway 4 days later.

The Air Force Accident Investigation concluded the pilots forgot to lower the
Landing gear.
The USAF estimated the damage to the B-1B at $7.9 million, and the damage
To the runway at $14,025. RBRM and those old SEABEES made one tough
Runway, that ’ s for sure!

Forwarded to those of you who have never seen a $285,000,000.00 bomber on the deck,
Here she is:

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Cheerleaders

You don’t have to live in the U.S. to know that FOOTBALL IS KING! But the game wouldn’t be complete without the cheerleaders, and here are some of footballs finest: