Joke of the Week
Items found on the internet that have caused me to chuckle
Sunday, June 02, 2013
PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you,
One for me...'
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, One for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done....
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Posted on 06/02/13 at 10:51 AM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Dr. Phil and fishing
Dear Dr. Phil,
When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime – fishing.
I bought my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
Finally, one day down at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner, who it turned out, loves fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.
As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us, but she always complains that I spend too much time out on the lake.
A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful fish you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught its twin brother!
So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice fish that we caught and showed the picture to my wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested.
Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.
What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby, or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks,
Ron
P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two fish we caught.
Dear Ron,
Get rid of that narrow-minded wife.
Those are two nice fish
Posted on 05/26/13 at 11:53 PM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Golf tees
On a golf tour in Ireland, Phil Mickelson drives his Mercedes into a petrol
station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant,
obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner
completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Phil nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?", asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Phil.
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Phil.
"Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Mercedes thinks of everything!".
Posted on 05/19/13 at 05:21 PM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, May 12, 2013
SUV
Two old boys having a great laugh...
Two old guys talking.
One said to the other: "My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
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Life is Fleeting By. Enjoy it while you can.
Posted on 05/12/13 at 07:04 PM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, May 05, 2013
Four Wheeler
Getting old is easy -
Having fun at it is the real trick. My friend celebrated his birthday this year by buying an all-terrain 4 wheeler. This is a picture of him playing with it in his back yard.
I'm thinking about getting me one.
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Life is Fleeting By. Enjoy it while you can.
Posted on 05/05/13 at 07:03 PM
Joke of the Week
